He's fully supporting :)

If I ask you, how does it feel to have someone’s support and he/she fully trusts you? Isn’t it just remarkable?

I’m proud of this guy, he’s been my kind of role model allatime, let say he’s second best after my dad.. he has been trying so hard (maybe) to struggle with my unsteadiness, I mean srsly, I used to be much much worse than now.. it doesn’t mean that I’m a good person right now tho, but better and better I’m getting each day.. I ever said I envy him, and I meant it, he just responded me by looking at me awkwardly and asked why (like there’s no other word he can use to amplify it, cause I said it with a bit sentiment), I didn’t answer him.. it was tough at the first time, getting to know him more such a knotty plot of my life.. some of you might know the story but I can tell no one’s ever gonna find out the complete version.. I knew from the start that we’re completely living in a different world. he has a hasty and totally organized world where every single thing has to be done on time, and mine? haha right at first, it was a mess.. I just knew how to laze and hang around searching for nothing.. and what makes it worse I used to think that I was fine.. there was a day when I start to realize that I must have learned something from him, unconsciously everytime I spent my hours with him. it was pretty shameful but I don’t mind to share now, he was ordering me to peel a mango cause he needed it to make a sauce.. I know you might think what’s the prob? Well, I couldn’t peel fruits, banana and oranges are the exceptions tho.. everytime I peel them myself I will waste much parts of them, like apple, don’t ever ask me to peel it for you cause big likelihood that you will lose 5-10% of it.. back to mango, I was so terribly embarrassed to tell him, so, I tried.. I spent more than 5 minutes wrestling with the ‘sacred’ mango, it was so slippery, you know! Initially he didn’t notice my battle with it (or maybe he was observing my lame skill L and he didn’t wanna bother my very moment) suddenly, I dropped the mango onto the sink and he noticed it ofcourse.. i really felt like to flee from that place and hide in a box or something.. he laughed so hard and I said sorry, I made it worse by saying that I would just throw it to the bin, I was so panic and couldn’t even have an alert mind to think that I could use the upper side of it which wasn’t smashed.. trust me it made me feel like an idiot.. he told me the thing I should’ve thought that time and I just like haa, right (with an embarrassed expression).. he laughed again and that was the moment he created a nickname for me lwcpf #not gonna tell the meaning.. Indeed, after that he literally taught me to peel it without having the slippery prob, he’s just too good at these stuffs, no, he’s probably an ace almost in everything.. #envy! Haha.. and that was the official moment I started calling him mwabts..

right from the start I used to think that we could be best friends, or I could consider him as a brother.. I was, let say committed to someone when we started building this bestie thingies, he was kind, he helped me through hard times, I can say he was the healer of my painful sufferings, but it wasn’t love, it was more like a bro who took care of his sis, I thank God for sending him tho.. he never got mad at me if I went out with mwabts, he ever said that I could have a feeling to someone but at first  I just consider mwabts as a bestfriend and my tutor as well cause he helped me studying for GCSE exams.. although I never tried to contact the guy I used to be with ever since we broke up but I won’t ever forget his roles.. and his supports have successfully made me stronger..

I had a lil chat with mwabts last night and maybe it was the most serious talk we ever had.. owkay…. Be patient here I can tell ya some,

Me: you know what, I feel I’d love to start having a career right now.. no kidding!

Him: okay, but you do have a career, you’re a private teacher. 

Me: idk if it can be considered as a career, I never sent any resume, neither been interviewed by a company.. how does it feel to have a career like you?

Him: it’s definitely a career because you got paid. How does it feel…hmmm it’s worthy, I mean with all my determinations and time i spent working instead of sleeping. you'll reap what you sow, right?

Me: I really wanna work for an institution, I wanna know how it feels like to work for someone.. working instead of sleeping? Really? #rolling my eyes

Him: hahaha. You used to work for TS but you resigned and worked for mike for several months and you kinda hated it.

You can work for me, help me to find new ideas for my work, inspire me, or wtv. Be my assistant? 

Me: it was barbar’s prob and I had to focus on other things. Mike, yeah actually I miss his stuck-up attitude.haha.
never gonna say yes.. I want something that’s not related to you cause I don’t wanna leave an impression of using you.. it will be awkward moreover if you give me the salary.haha

Him : A plus for the answer! yeah, I was thinking about it as well and found that it’s absolutely right.haha.

me: merci -.-

maybe I ever asked you this but forget the answer, did you ever imagine what would you be if you’re not like who you are now? 

Him : yeah, you ever asked once and I answered perhaps, a chemist. 

Me : you always remember everything I forget #feeling bad.. why don’t you be a chef? You totally have the skills.

Him : yeah, every single thing.haha.

That question is like I’m questioning you why don’t you be an engineer. I cook for myself and most of the times for you and Adrian, that’s all. 

Me: I thought you like cooking as much as you love designing.. 

Him : nah, I don’t cook for public, got wim?

Me : totally.. so, do you think I can get another career? Or should I go back to ts and you know, admit that I was wrong (but it will be so weird) or contact mike cause last time I heard he tried to contact my old num??

Him : the only prob you have is not knowing that you have so many great qualities in you that only incredible ppl have and not trusting yourself enough that you can pursue anything. Lady, come on!

Me: -__-

 

Him : saying thanks isn’t that hard, I guess. Haha.

Do what you wanna do, make an experiment to find out, explore more! you won’t get anything if you just stay in your comfort zone, that’s exactly what you said! God is always willing to show which path you should take if you believe in Him. there’s no failure, you’ll fail if you don’t have enough determination to reach the peak and show enough efforts, give the best of you to make your dreams realized. Just start with the faith! I never doubt you.

I always love talking to him cause he knows how to answer my question and he got me motivated to do more. yeah, that’s my fave guy on earth. Though sometimes he made me pretty ‘irritated’ by saying I can’t be there or I can’t make it when I need him the most, after all, seeing him successfully reached his dreams and listening to his story about how happy he is, the best feeling I’ve ever got, oh wait, the best one is when I walked out the stores, you know! Haha.. I never gonna tell him that I wrote about him here, hopefully he won’t ever find out, just imagine how big his head will be…… see ya!

What's next?

yeah, totally, what's next? what am i gonna through afterward? the daily routine i had been used to, have passed, now i have to move on with my life.. aaargh so cliche!!
i keep my mind from getting too deep thinking about random things by busying myself doing so much things, i do have a lot of things to realized as well.. actually i enjoy teaching (pretty much) but sometimes while i'm going out somewhere and having myself thinking about the responsibility later after that sucks my energy and it makes me pretty hard to struggle with my laziness.. i used to enjoy my 'role' on ts and i miss it so bad.. i miss ian, barry (some of you might question this though,haha), and others.. it was nice to have some busy activities almost every weekend so that i wouldn't just hangout and spend time for nothing.. if i can turn back time -___- bonna has been replacing me for ever, haha, at first my intention of being absent was to be kicked out from it, not because i hate it but because the 'devils' were not there anymore and it felt dead for me.. i can't believe he's still there.. i also had to focus more on school than it so i told barry i was quitting and all i got for the response was, "you still have several presentations left" i was like, srsly??? that's why sometimes he becomes the most hate-able creature.. it's almost been two years i guess since the last time i went there, last time willi invited me to see leo's gig but i couldn't make it.. also, if some of you still remember mike (silliest statement i ever said, NOBODY WILL EVER FORGET HIM ONCE THEY MEET HIM!) he ever once contacted me cause he needed richard's help #nottomentionwhat. one thing i'll always remember about him is his intolerance.. yeah, notwithstanding, i miss him! *he'll be loling if he ever read this.
my life has been running so fast ever since.. my first year in high school, then the 2nd, and then the 3rd.. now all of those things will be parts of my history, the lessons i've got, the people i've learned about, and so many things.. am i ready to face my future with openhanded? guess so, i still keep thinking about some choices if i ever have the chance to make one of them real.. i talked to lala, she's kind of my consultant if it comes to this, cause she can think almost like me, and she knows that i've been enamored to fashion industry since (perhaps) i was still in my mom's womb,haha. call me too much! i just wanna have a role in it, indeed i don't have the skills to design but i can be the editor or the consultant (i wish) or maybe i will have my own clothing line (ameeeen) and have some designers underneath.. on the contrary i do have my dream to be a dermatologist like my parents always ask me to be.. it doesn't feel like a pressure but i just think can i make it happen once i pick one of them, do i have time to make the other one real, i'm just too in love with both of them.. am i capable to maintain??? arrrrrgh dunno.. sometimes i think i can go directly enrolling in a fashion school and take a major there but what about the dermatology thingies? and what about my efforts so far getting good grades in school? it feels like it's not worth it.. moreover my dad seems like he'll think that taking a role in this industry brings nothing to my life.. i know he wants the best for my life, i'm just too afraid of upsetting him.. lala told me that i can take an internship in a magazine sometime so i can step it up, yeah that's a good idea.. i received pros and cons about this as well, not denying that some ppl may underestimate me but i never care, i don't wanna deal with unimportant things..
well, all i have now is just faith, believe in my Lord cause i know there's no one i can trust more than him. surely he got something big for me at the right time.. now..... let me enjoy this indecisive phase.. see ya!

:)

How time flies, being with these special mates for the last 3 years has changed me into someone better, at least I feel that way. I'm wishing all the best for all of you! Maybe I'm no good at words but I just wanna say meeting and being friends with you were one of God's best plans in my life.. keep the faiths, never underestimate yourself, cause you got more than you realized!!