What's next?

yeah, totally, what's next? what am i gonna through afterward? the daily routine i had been used to, have passed, now i have to move on with my life.. aaargh so cliche!!
i keep my mind from getting too deep thinking about random things by busying myself doing so much things, i do have a lot of things to realized as well.. actually i enjoy teaching (pretty much) but sometimes while i'm going out somewhere and having myself thinking about the responsibility later after that sucks my energy and it makes me pretty hard to struggle with my laziness.. i used to enjoy my 'role' on ts and i miss it so bad.. i miss ian, barry (some of you might question this though,haha), and others.. it was nice to have some busy activities almost every weekend so that i wouldn't just hangout and spend time for nothing.. if i can turn back time -___- bonna has been replacing me for ever, haha, at first my intention of being absent was to be kicked out from it, not because i hate it but because the 'devils' were not there anymore and it felt dead for me.. i can't believe he's still there.. i also had to focus more on school than it so i told barry i was quitting and all i got for the response was, "you still have several presentations left" i was like, srsly??? that's why sometimes he becomes the most hate-able creature.. it's almost been two years i guess since the last time i went there, last time willi invited me to see leo's gig but i couldn't make it.. also, if some of you still remember mike (silliest statement i ever said, NOBODY WILL EVER FORGET HIM ONCE THEY MEET HIM!) he ever once contacted me cause he needed richard's help #nottomentionwhat. one thing i'll always remember about him is his intolerance.. yeah, notwithstanding, i miss him! *he'll be loling if he ever read this.
my life has been running so fast ever since.. my first year in high school, then the 2nd, and then the 3rd.. now all of those things will be parts of my history, the lessons i've got, the people i've learned about, and so many things.. am i ready to face my future with openhanded? guess so, i still keep thinking about some choices if i ever have the chance to make one of them real.. i talked to lala, she's kind of my consultant if it comes to this, cause she can think almost like me, and she knows that i've been enamored to fashion industry since (perhaps) i was still in my mom's womb,haha. call me too much! i just wanna have a role in it, indeed i don't have the skills to design but i can be the editor or the consultant (i wish) or maybe i will have my own clothing line (ameeeen) and have some designers underneath.. on the contrary i do have my dream to be a dermatologist like my parents always ask me to be.. it doesn't feel like a pressure but i just think can i make it happen once i pick one of them, do i have time to make the other one real, i'm just too in love with both of them.. am i capable to maintain??? arrrrrgh dunno.. sometimes i think i can go directly enrolling in a fashion school and take a major there but what about the dermatology thingies? and what about my efforts so far getting good grades in school? it feels like it's not worth it.. moreover my dad seems like he'll think that taking a role in this industry brings nothing to my life.. i know he wants the best for my life, i'm just too afraid of upsetting him.. lala told me that i can take an internship in a magazine sometime so i can step it up, yeah that's a good idea.. i received pros and cons about this as well, not denying that some ppl may underestimate me but i never care, i don't wanna deal with unimportant things..
well, all i have now is just faith, believe in my Lord cause i know there's no one i can trust more than him. surely he got something big for me at the right time.. now..... let me enjoy this indecisive phase.. see ya!